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17 février 2015

OMG

Yesterday, feeling very anxious, I went to a well know supermarket and wandered around looking at everything trying to calm down. Not finding anything I wanted,  I decided to go into the cafeteria for a skinny decaf latte and while I was sitting there I suddenly wanted cake. Well, this supermarket has the most amazing patisserie counter and they were selling three for the price of two, so I bought an apple turnover, a chocolate eclair and a mini victoria sponge with the firm intention of going home, sitting in front of the television and having all three for my tea instead of the pork chop and cabbage I was going to have.

On the way home I had to stop and post some letters and as I was doing this I saw the bin next to the letter box; I got to wondering what would happen if I binned the cakes right there and then and went for a long walk instead. Dusk was falling, it had been a long day, I was anxious and hyper and really looking forward to binging on my cakes. But. The next thing I knew I'd opened up the boot, taken out the box of cakes and dumped them in the bin; then I went home, put on my trainers and went out for an hour long walk. I was feeling nervous by the time I got back because night had fallen, but, surprisingly, my anxiety levels had fallen dramatically, in fact all the anxiety had gone. I had my pork chop and cabbage and had no more craving all evening.

So. Maybe it's enough just to buy the food and not eat it; maybe the simple act of buying something and intending to eat it is enough to calm my anxiety. If that were true it would be wonderful; next time I'm going to buy 2 litres of ice cream from Tesco for 89p and then put it down the sink. It might cost me a bit of money but worth every penny if it works!

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